From my previous post, yup, i'm currently not on the right track. Though i'm not on the right track for most aspects, i sort of glad that i'm still on the right track for few aspects.
Seriously, why is it that when you are on the down side of life, there are more external unpleasantness , but when you are doing very well in life, all pleasantness will be there? This suddenly reminds me of an analogy of shadows leaving when it is dark.
Maybe this is the way on how reality works. Reality is harsh, what was i even expecting. Seriously. Should just toughen up instead of expecting.
There are some things that should be keep within and settle it yourself. Just have to accept that you have to settle things yourself. Lending hands, kind words, take it as a bonus if they appear.
What makes things worse for myself is that i tend learn things through a hard way. Maybe i'm not intelligent enough and i did not think thoroughly, i did not think further ahead which sometimes leads to unnecessary issues. I need to correct this!
In this reality, there is no room for mistakes, 10 rights, and 1 wrong, you are condemned. Because of 1 wrong, i don't know, but it feels like because of 1 wrong you made, you sort of have given people the right to treat or speak to you in an unpleasant manner, give them the right to disregard how you feel. Is that normal in life? Is it that why people try their best to avoid all the wrongs?
Sometimes is difficult to be at the receiving end, being thrown at and receiving all the flying darts come piercing right through you.
Sometimes i just want to escape, hide, to recuperate when life is at the down side to somewhere no one can find me.
Fuck, i hate myself for being this weak. i hate this me.
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